


Tell us the tale of a goat

by Minne_My



Category: Holby City
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe, F/F, Goats, Meet-Cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:29:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28945191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minne_My/pseuds/Minne_My
Summary: AU. Bernie, Serena & a suspicious suitcase
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	Tell us the tale of a goat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bat_and_Breakfast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bat_and_Breakfast/gifts).



> Inspired by Bat_and_Breakfast's family goat tale & the Saturday night zoom folks.
> 
> No, I have no idea why or how Serena would be working on the Italian railway either.

‘Did I ever tell you about how Serena and I met?’

Fleur was all ears. But the answer was not as she had expected. Agog at the idea that a simple creature could play matchmaker, she thought of all the scenarios with room for a goat.

‘Your eyes met over one of those smelly creatures in a petting zoo?’ She suggested.

‘Nope.’

‘Starbucks did a limited edition of a goat’s milk latte?’

Bernie shuddered.

‘Not quite. She caught me smuggling a goat on the train in Italy.’

She was met with a long pause. A very long pause. Fleur drummed her fingers on the table and tried to think of all the ways that a goat could be smuggled on a train. Bernie watched her slyly.

‘You dressed one up in a poncho and called it aunt Gertrude?’ Fleur asked eventually. She really couldn’t think of anything better to say.

_At the time Bernie hadn’t thought much of it. A goat was a goat and she was asked to bring one to her cousin’s villa for the new year’s feast. There was a row of naked baby ones at the butcher near the train station and she picked one out, tried not to think of it gambolling across fields while it was trussed up and packed. Finally assembled, it bore the look of a misshapen alien but Bernie concluded that the wrapping skills were far superior to her own. She paid for it and heaved it out of the shop. Easing it into her suitcase and securing it tightly with the straps at the bottom, she went to go and catch her train._

_She plumped down and stared out of the window. Watching the countryside whizz by was more interesting than her book. She was so immersed in the scenery that she hadn’t realised that she’d been marooned in the carriage. Everyone else had left. A tip tap of footsteps made her turn around to see a ticket inspector bearing down on her with an efficient stride, holding a most determined looking ticket punch. Bernie fumbled for her ticket but the woman lingered after she’d done her duty, glancing suspiciously at her suitcase. Bernie realised that she’d cleared the carriage because of her suitcase. It was emitting a most peculiar smell._

_‘Erm’ Bernie looked down in horror. Having not transported a dead animal in a suitcase before, she had naively assumed that the wrapping would keep it secure. At least it wasn’t seeping with blood otherwise she’d be hauled in for questioning and held on possible murder charges._

_‘What…is that? In your suitcase madam?’ Asked the ticket conductor in Italian. Bernie wasn’t a natural liar so she resigned herself to the inevitable._

_New Year’ Eve dinner’ she confessed in English. She hoped for clemency. The woman raised an eyebrow._

_‘Mutton?’_

_‘It’s a goat.’_

_She would have explained further but words had deserted her. She was distracted by a pair of sparkling eyes under the cap. She was also met with an English accent. Bernie usually hadn’t noticed women in uniform, but she quite liked the look of this one. Navy with gold braid. Very swish. And the woman who wore it wasn’t bad either. Very pretty in fact._

_Bernie told herself to stop staring and looked back at her suitcase. Yep, the smell was still there. It wasn’t getting any stronger, it was just there._

_‘Are you aware of how unwise it is to bring raw meat on public transport?’ The ticket inspector was saying severely. ‘It’s technically banned on the railway. I really should report this.’_

_‘I know it sounds stupid but I didn’t realise. The butcher assured me that it would keep for a couple of hours.’_

_‘You’re going where?’_

_Bernie told her._

_‘The villa up at the lake?’ She said with interest. Bernie couldn’t think why._

_The inspector seemed to mull it over. A few minutes of gentle interrogation later made her conclude that Bernie was not exactly a hardened smuggler and could be overlooked this one time. ‘I’ll let it go today’ she said graciously. She gestured towards Bernie who supplied her with her name. Bernie mumbled her thanks, unsure of the glint in the other woman’s eye._

_‘In return for a favour.’_

_Ah. There was the catch. With dread, Bernie’s imagination flashed on several images that constituted as a favour by a member of the railway staff._

_‘As long as there’s room for me. I don’t intend on missing out on some of that goat.’_

_‘Are you trying to gate-crash my cousin’s New Year’s Eve party?’ Bernie gasped._

_‘Yes’ said the woman blithely. ‘I know of the villa you’re staying at. I’ve always wanted to stay in one of those.’_

_Bernie was astounded by the audacity._

_‘Well…’_

_‘Say you’re bringing a friend’ the woman suggested._

_‘Otherwise?’_

_The ticket inspector leaned forward, close enough for Bernie to smell her perfume._

_‘Otherwise I’ll have to report the presence of an animal carcass on the train and you’ll never see your New Year’s Eve dinner again’ she said pleasantly. Bernie detected a twinkle in her eye but her voice held a shred of steel. Bernie could recognise blackmail when she saw it but was ill equipped to deal with it when a farm animal was the subject. She correctly surmised that if there would be a next time, she wouldn’t be able to get out of it so easily._

_Bernie, ever a risk taker, agreed to the terms. She felt tingly with anticipation._

_The ticket inspector resumed her usual stance._

_‘Good, that’s sorted then. The name’s Serena. I finish my shift at 8. Expect me then.’_

_She winked and Bernie watched her walk down the carriage assuredly. Nice legs. She knew when she was done for and had resigned herself pleasurably to the thought of it._

‘Well fuck me, what a story’ Fleur gasped.

Well, yes, that had happened later, Bernie mused. Ahem. She tore her thoughts away from the leopard print underwear she’d discovered as New Year’s Day dawn crept closer. Serena had abandoned it on the floor and had jumped into the jacuzzi while everyone else had drunkenly fallen asleep, urging Bernie to join her. What woman could resist? So Bernie stripped off and did as she was bid.

It had been quite a start to the new year.


End file.
